Day by Day

Feels so long ago since I last wrote. So much has happened in such little time. Life is okay but I’ll get straight to the point. Mentally, I’m not okay because my body is not okay. I feel drained. My lack of energy is getting to me. My health is currently unknown. I’m in the process of having a second ultrasound to better pinpoint what’s going on. Honestly the waiting sucks. I feel helpless. I’m trying to stay positive but there are moments in the day I feel so out of it.

I started feeling discomfort around my pelvic area. It wasn’t a big deal but something felt off. I knew I wasn’t pregnant because I kept taking pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. But there is such a thing as a false negative so I decided to go get a full check up. Besides my vitamin D levels being low, everything was okay. Then came the ultrasound. After waiting a week for the results, turns out I have a fibroid the size of a grapefruit and I have multiple small cysts on one of my ovaries. I broke down. I spend the whole day feeling like shit. I mean, what can I do?

My second ultrasound is coming up. This is where I am right now. I stopped exercising for the time being because it kinda hurts. I changed my diet for more healthier choices. Not eating meat as such. Well, I was never much of a meat eater to begin with so I’m alright giving it up if I have to. I’m trying to get a good night sleep but I’m struggling with that. Trying to keep busy but I feel tired most of the time. Low key, I don’t like how my body looks right now. I look like I’m 5 months pregnant. I don’t feel the need to get ready because I feel everything I try on doesn’t look right.

I’m staying positive somehow. I don’t want to worry my kids. It’s hard though. The lack of energy sucks. It does feel like I’m pregnant but without the baby. Instead I have a fibroid that keeps growing. It’s not the first time I’ve had a fibroid but the situation is different. I was pregnant 2 years ago with a fibroid that was being fueled by my hormones. I had to terminate the pregnancy because as the fetus grew, so did the fibroid. I was told it would be a complicated pregnancy if I continued.

I am scared because the fibroid keeps growing yet I’m on birth control and the multiple cysts on my ovary sounds alarming. I’m trying not to think negative. To distract myself, I’m thinking ahead on the upcoming holidays like Halloween and Christmas. I’m looking forward to celebrating another year with my family.

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