Last year I began doing YouTube videos. Fun videos about cooking with Zelda, pastries, toy reviews, diy’s, and family vlogs. Nothing professional, just for fun. Its something I wanted to do for a long time and finally I did. After posting my first video, I wanted to do more. I had my white board filled with many video ideas. I enjoyed it at first but towards the end, I lost interest and passion…and going through some personal stuff. Besides that, I would take forever editing because I wanted to be a perfectionist. I would personally set a deadline on myself and I would end up feeling disappointed for not following thru. Most of my editing was done at night when the kids would be sleeping. I would be tired by the end of the day but I would push myself to do it.
I started making vlogs but after a couple, I stopped because I felt I would be on my phone recording my family and not really enjoying our day. The first ones were nice but after, I felt I was doing it just for a video. My husband wasn’t comfortable being on camera either. So I stopped. Not only that, but I also deleted my videos and my channel. That was extreme in my opinion but I didn’t like the direction my videos were going. Honestly, I wasn’t happy with myself at that time. I wasn’t interested in making any videos and looking at some of my past videos made me feel like shit. I should have only deleted the videos I didn’t like but its done. My phone got messed up around that time so I lost certain videos I meant to keep and that meant so much to me. Sucks because I can never get those videos back.
I do miss it sometimes and lately the feeling has been stronger. I randomly get an idea on doing a video. I think I will eventually.
I managed to save certain videos on my computer before my phone got wiped and they make me smile when I watch them. My favorite ones are with the kids. A year makes a difference and the kids are growing fast. I think it would be nice having a couple more videos with them. They were fun and Zelda loved it. I think I’m in a good place right now to start again. I just have to stop being hard on myself and just have fun with it.