Chores are done, food is made, house is clean and both kids are asleep (miracle!) What now? I literally feel like Marge Simpson sometimes; there is nothing to do, so I take a drink.
I don’t really do that though, I use to a lot, but not anymore. Once the kids were off the boob, I took advance and drank. I would drink alone because after I was done cleaning and kids were taken care off, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt that I lost my purpose, myself and who I was before I had kids. I think I was a great wife when I married my husband, but after the kids came, my attention went to them and my husband got seconds. I tried fitting all the roles and in the end, I lost myself and I think that’s why I started changing myself last year. I was trying to find myself again.
I use to be a very creative person; I still am but all my time goes to everyone else now. I use to do costumes, scrapbooking, baking, decorate, etc. it’s not like I chose to stop; I just had to turn my focus on my family and house stuff. I had a good handle of it in the beginning, but after my second kid was born, I broke down and it went downhill from there. I stopped doing the things I loved because they didn’t bring me joy. I dropped everything. I was unhappy and depressed.
A few months later, everything is slowly going back to normal. I’m slowly finding the time for everyone and everything, including myself. That last one is very important because if I can’t take care of myself, how can I possibly take care of my family? I need to be okay. I don’t think it’s selfish to ask for some time alone. Mothers do so much. It’s a 24/7 unpaid job and honestly, it aggravates me that my husband just doesn’t get what I go through every day. To this day, he still doesn’t get it and to this day, he has never been alone with the kids for a full solid day. So I do think I earned my drink and free time.
But yes, It’s a rare time as a mother when everything is in order, so I decided tonight to celebrate by making a cocktail drink and watch something on Netflix. Not sure how long this time will last before the kids wake and the husband gets home, so for now, just sip on my drink and watch some TV.
Ps. I’m watching the Ted Bundy Tapes, great Netflix original