Missing Triforce

I catch myself saying Synchro instead of Triforce these past days. Both accidents were very similar. Synchro was the first cat I adopted back in 2009. After 3 years of caring for Synchro, he got hit by a car. With the little strength he had left, he ran home and slammed in my front door. I opened the door and got on my knees to pet him. He took his last breath as I said his name. I was heartbroken. I made a promise to myself that if I ever get another cat, they would be 100% a house cat. I gave Synchro the freedom to explore and he knew his way around the neighborhood. When he got hit, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to lose another pet that way.

My husband surprised me with a kitten a month after Synchro’s death. I wasn’t ready for another pet. I felt guilty as if I was replacing Synchro. I did take the kitten in. The kitten was sick though and I was scared the kitten was going to die on me. I couldn’t bare another loss. We took the kitten to the shelter.

About a year later, still feeling the loss, my husband took me to a shelter. We unexpectedly adopted a black kitten. The black cat was very cute and friendly but the cat was very aggressive to my husband. Nothing against the cat but I felt I was forcing myself to move on and I still wasn’t ready. We ultimately decided to return the cat to the shelter.

Seven years later, Triforce unexpectedly showed up in my life. I still didn’t feel ready to have a cat but her arrival was unusual. My life around the time was so rocky and when she came in the picture, Triforce felt like family instantly. She fit right in.

That was 3 years ago.

Now, I’m utterly devastated because I lost Triforce the same way I lost Synchro. How?! I never let her out unless I was outside and supervised her. I still wonder when and why she was outside. She runs inside anytime she hears a loud car passing by. I’m so confused and I won’t ever know what exactly happened.

Just like Synchro, Triforce was breathing before she passed away. When I approached her, I pet her and she took her last breath. The whole thing was deja vu. I was in shock. It wasn’t until I pick her up from the curb and held her in arms that I snapped out of it and started to cry.

We buried her in the backyard in a place she would be undisturbed. It’s hard to accept how everything happened so sudden. As the days go by, it gets a little easier but it’s hard. Her presence is felt everywhere in the house. I catch myself remembering and picturing her napping in her favorite spots. I have put away her food bowl and emptied out the litter box but her cat tree remains untouched. The pillow that she would nap on hasn’t been moved. I see it has cat hair and I can’t bring myself to clean it yet.

I try to keep busy around the house and not think about her but it’s easier said than done. Yesterday I didn’t have anything to do, no one was home besides me. Triforce would keep me company. Now I feel utterly alone and the emptiness hurts.

I still love cats. I’m a cat person but at the moment I’m not. I pet my friends’ cats and I feel nothing. My touch to fur is numbing. It’s a strange feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and it’s sad because I want to feel something. I have pet 3 cats so far and it’s the same strange feeling or lack there of.

My daughter has asked if we can get another kitty since she feels lonely. My son mainly misses her at night since Triforce would snuggle next to him most of the time. I fall so deeply in love with my furry companions and I’m not one to replace them with another so soon. It’s going to take time. Triforce left such a mark in all our lives. She helped me more than she’ll ever know. Or I think she knew. She was such a kind soul.

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